IF THIS IS ALL I ALLOW YOU FOR NOW, WILL YOU STILL HONOR ME IN IT?
After a very frightening accident in the mountains of western Maryland a few years ago I was left more apprehensive than ever about driving, especially in mountain, snowy conditions. But, for some reason, this did not stop us from vacationing in the Berkshire Mountains in Massachusetts a few years ago in order to attend a family birthday party. We left our vacation a day early not just because bad weather was closing in but because all we did was bait and nag each other the whole week.
I couldn’t wait to get out of there. I think my husband had heard my mountain driving precautions once too often. In order to remain in control of his manhood and not be told by me how he should drive he began to drive sarcastically slow on the straight-a- ways only to remove his foot from the gas on the down hills claiming he was doing what he could to alleviate my fears. I tried to explain that if he would just drive normal and brake a little on the downhill that would make me feel less fearful of the car running out of control. That’s when he proclaimed, “That I was a very difficult woman to please”! I began to cry uncontrollably. I had an overwhelming feeling that my marriage might not ever be better than it was at that moment. This thought brought a flood of tears. I have dreamed about and sought a relationship and bond with my husband that would make God proud and “qualify” me to lead a wives group that I felt I selfishly needed.
As I rode in the car sitting beside the man I sought so desperately to understand and for him to understand me, I cried like I hadn’t cried in a long time.
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We were vacationing in a mountain ski resort and neither of us ski.
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We thought it would be fun to tour the Yankee Candle factory but after a 40 minute drive through the dreaded mountains, we discovered it was just a small store like we have in our local mall and NOT the factory where they make the candles.
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My husband didn’t want to pay $10 to rent a DVD player available at the resort as there was already a VCR in our room. Unfortunately, I only packed DVD’s.
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We thought it might be fun to go to the top of the ski slopes as we heard there was a restaurant and gift shop up there. But, we had to buy an expensive day pass and you couldn’t ride the ski lift back down. The only way down was with two sticks strapped to your feet.
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The romantic Jacuzzi mentioned in the brochure was only big enough for one (maybe that’s why it was referred to as romantic!)
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and the bed was like sleeping on a board.
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We even attempted discussing a portion of God’s Word and ended up in a debate and disagreement.
It seemed that this trip was doomed right from the start. If we had been at home at least we could have worked on our separate computers and checked e-mails. I could have watched my DVD’s. I would have had my truck and could drive somewhere, anywhere and it wouldn’t have been through mountains and snow.
All in all it was the vacation from hell and now I was being informed by the man I loved and who supposedly loved me that, “I was a very difficult woman to please”. It pierced through my heart like a sword. These past few years have been some of the most difficult in our 32 years of marriage. We’d gone from a 6-digit income into a forced semi-retirement burning through our savings and living on very meager means. We have discussed and argued our options; most of the time coming to a stand-off.
I have prayed, read & studied God’s Word, sang praise music and read books by fabulous Christians in an attempt to improve our marriage. My husband will never know or recognize my efforts at striving to be a wife who could be easily pleased but I never dreamed I would be faced with such an unequaled and lack of appreciation for those efforts. As I sat blowing my nose and wiping tears from my eyes I practically jumped out of my seat as a very large bird barely flew over the hood of our car about 4-6 feet from the windshield. I followed my gaze on this bird to see if I recognized what it was. Blinking hard to squeeze tears from my eyes, it dawned on me that it was a turkey; a wild turkey! I said to my husband, in an attempt at any non-threatening conversation, “I think that was a turkey. Turkeys’ don’t fly, do they”? He said, from his limited knowledge on the subject of turkeys, that they did fly but only in short powerful bursts; 30-40 feet at a time. I sat for a minute thinking about “this” postcard from God and began to cry even harder than I had been. Calling out to God in my heart saying; “OK, God what am I suppose to learn from this vision? After a week long sparing vacation with my husband and this terrifying trip home you couldn’t send me an eagle, a turtledove or a pair of geese? You had to send me a “turkey”? Then God gave me some thoughts that continue to bless me on a daily basis!
“If this is all I allow you for now, will you still honor Me in it?”
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“If I had thought an eagle would teach you what you needed to hear I would have sent it.
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“You need to be reminded of how much you and your husband enjoy cooking Thanksgiving dinner together and having crowds of loved ones around your table feasting on turkey.”
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“You can’t eat eagles!”
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“You’re right, your marriage isn’t all it could be and it’s possible this may be all I allow you right now. Are you willing to accept that?”
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“Are you willing to help other ladies to accept that?” “Will you still love your husband and ME in spite of your marital limits?”
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“If turkeys get where they’re going in short powerful bursts then allow your marriage to come to me in short, powerful bursts.”
“Give it the best you have to offer and watch what I will do with it.”
WOW! What an answer!
The Lord has done amazing things in our marriage since that trip two years ago. God sent me that turkey just when I needed it.
I’ve had a dream and desire to give God a marriage that honored him and blessed others. I wanted what I thought I saw in other Christian marriages. I sought something I thought I could never have if my husband wasn’t willing to give the same effort, working together for a common goal. The problem was that my husband was in a very different place than I was at that time and working together was not happening. I can honestly say that he only saw me as the problem and that I needed to do all the changing and with that attitude he was absolutely right.
In order to STAY married it was going to take at least one of our hearts being open to what God could and would do. God had convinced me that even if my husband didn’t do one thing to help make our marriage better but I was willing to give God my best in my part of our turkey-marriage relationship He could and would do amazing things with the results. (Turkey soup, salad and sandwiches coming up!) God is a God of His Word and just as He had promised ~ today the memory of that vacation from hell has become my blessing. I have trusted God with the short powerful bursts and there have even been times that He has allowed our marriage to actually soar. I guess turkeys do fly.
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